Not a diet a new way of living

6 weeks ago my husband and I started a new health journey.  I have struggled with weight my entire life, I have been on one diet or another for 20 years.  When people say they have done every diet, I mean it literally I think I have done them all.  I've always lost weight and then put it back on for one reason or another.  The reality is that through all those diets I never dealt with the emotional side of eating.  You can learn to eat healthy and what a healthy portion looks like, or count points etc.  but if you don't deal with your emotional side of eating that will creep back in.

Before I got married I lost about 40 pounds with a nutritionist and regular visits to the gym.  I had more weight to lose but by my wedding day I was at a comfortable weight, I was happy in my wedding dress, I felt strong.  On our honeymoon I climbed to the top of the viewing roof of the Vatican and the leaning tower of Pisa - couldn't imagine doing that now without collapsing.

I kept the weight off but didn't lose anymore our first year of being married.  Then I got pregnant with Mia.  I tried to watch when I ate when I was pregnant but I did love myself some ice cream.  I gained about 35 pounds with that pregnancy.  After Mia was born i had a hard time with breast feeding and postpartum so the emotional eating kicked in and I didn't lose any of the weight I had gained.

My husband and I separated for 6 months when Mia was 9 months old.  More emotional eating and ended up gaining more weight.  So the 40 pounds I worked so hard to lose before I got married was back on and then some.  Thankfully we reconciled and we eat when we not only sad but happy too.  Then I got pregnant with Melody.  I knew I could not afford to gain a lot of weight during this pregnancy so I was very careful and thankfully only gained 10 pounds by the end of the pregnancy, i'm sure the first 3 months of constant morning sickness helped the weight stay off.

So here I was with both baby weights clinging to me and I was just uncomfortable, had no energy, wasn't happy with the way I looked or anything I wore, just miserable.  We watched the show Fit to Fat to Fit.  A personal trainer actually spends 4 months gaining weight and then takes it off with their client so they can really understand what it's like to try and lose weight and work out when you are overweight.  You saw the emotional and physical toll that eating all that crappy food and gaining weight did to them and it's exactly how I was feeling.

So my husband and I started the journey together.  I cut out things that I LOVED but I knew were weighing me down and my weaknesses.  No more pop, bread, pasta, rice and little to no dairy.  It hasn't been easy, I smell pizza in the grocery store and shed a tear but keep my eyes on the veggies and the prize, a healthier life and my self-confidence back.  We are also doing it for our kids, we want a long healthy life with them and we don't want this to be a struggle they deal with in their lives either so we get them eating healthy with us.

So as we come to an end on week 6 of this journey I have lost 23 pounds and my husband just passed 40 pounds.  The jeans that i could barely do up and were very uncomfortable are not lose.  My husband is adding more and more holes to his belt.  Our energy is up and our overall happiness is up. For me the main thing is changing my relationship with food and how I look at it.  I still enjoy what I eat but I can't let it be a crutch to turn to when i'm upset or celebrating with a treat.  That part of the journey is a work in progress but I'm getting better...on we go.

If I knew then what I know now.......

This is my advice to first time parents, things I wish I had known or are thankful I made the right decision along the way:

I'm sure house home is lovely, it won't be for long.  I would love a new coach or new kitchen table but what's the point.  Something will get spilled or there will be marker or crayon all over your table.  If your furniture is white buy couch covers now and you can take them off in 10 years, it will be like a new couch! I have come to terms with the fact that it will be a good 8 to 10 years before I can do anything nice to my house again.

Get rid of anything furniture that is glass.  We have a glass TV stand, I clean fingerprints daily!

With that said only buy your kids WASHABLE markers, paint and crayons - read the boxes carefully so you buy the right ones.

Do not buy the squeezable bath toys - they never really dry inside and mold grows so easy in there it's just gross!

The sales people at Babies R Us are nice, they are happy for you, they also want your money.  Take someone shopping with you that has kids and can help you be more realistic with your purchases.  I picked out, (with the help of the sales employee) a super nice and very expensive stroller.  Then when it came time to actually use it with kids both baby and toddler stage I started to see all the problems with this super expensive investment of mine.  No cup holder for me or the kid.  It drove really well but was big and bulky and when the baby started sitting in the actual stroller seat and not the car seat anymore they didn't look that comfortable.  When we went to Florida with Mia for the first time at 15 months old I knew there was no way I was taking the stroller on the airplane and have it all beat up from luggage.  I went and bought a Graco stroller on sale for $50 and it was perfect.  She fit perfect, she had a cup holder and space for snack, I had a cup holder and a nice spot to put my phone.  Seriously $50!!  Even better if you get one where the tray opens up so they can climb in themselves as they get older.  

I was at Target when Melody was a baby and this lady asked me to help her pick out a high chair.  She was about to be a first time grandmother and wanted a high chair for her house and she was intimidated but the huge selection.  Her daughter had picked out this chic fab high chair - there is nothing chic or fab about trying to clean off blueberries from the seat of your high chair.  This was where I actually made a good choice - I bought the Graco high chair with wheels because we have all tile and hard wood - and the seat cover is easy to wipe and even folded so we  could store it easier.

Another good choice was my baby swing.  Again thank you Graco - I got the 2 in one swing which plugs into the wall...save yourself the $ on batteries.  The seat of swing comes out and becomes your bouncy seat and vibrates.  The baby would be in the swing but I wanted to bring her to the kitchen - just pull out the seat and bring her with me.  Saves on $ and having even more baby stuff in your house.

Hopefully someone can learn from my mistakes :) 

Food Crawl

Earlier this week we spent some time in Toronto visiting a family member in the hospital.  We had to leave him for a couple hours so he could get some rest so we took the girls to go get lunch, but we just couldn't decide what to have or where to go so we did a mini food crawl.  This was a "pull up, run in get something, share what you got with everyone and eat in the car food crawl" because parking and getting everyone out at each stop was a bit much.  Our first stop was my choice, Wahlbugers.  I watch the reality show so I wanted to see what all the fuss was about and funny enough I had a feeling I would be disappointed going into it.  I ordered the "eh" burger, it's a burger with peameal bacon and a fried egg on it.  Nice idea however when the egg yoke breaks it makes it almost impossible to eat and super messy.  And in my opinion it was overpriced.  $12 for a burger by itself, they aren't huge and frankly I could have made that at home. Your paying for the name and the show in my opinion.

Our next stop was a Deli owned by a Jewish family, I can't remember the name and I'm not the person who takes pictures of all their food either.  It was a Deli we saw on Dragon's Den that has a store front and a food truck.  We had what they called, Jewish comfort food.  It was ground meat, potatoes, onions in a pastry and a gravy to dip it in.  It was really good, and a couple apply pastries for dessert.

Then we hit little Italy and I was in search of a Cannoli.  The best one I have ever had was in New Jersey at the Cake Boss bakery.  Nothing has come close since then until this trip.  I found a little corner bakery and everyone inside was speaking Italian so I knew this was legit.  The cannoli was fantastic, I was a happy girl.

Our last stop was another deli for some turkey dogs for the girls and an amazing roast beef sandwich, messy but so good.

I can't wait to do it again but next time I want to do food trucks, is there a food truck row or an area of Toronto that has several to pick from??

My family loves the snow...and I go along with it :)

My husband and my kids LOVE the snow.  It's hard to tell who's more excited when it snows my kids or my husband, they all get giddy and run around the house.  I go along with it because they all love it so much, but I could do without it :)  My husband loves to snowmobile and it's always been his thing to do with his friends.  Now that the girls are older we talked about getting a second snowmobile and a little snow coach that Phil could tow the girls in on the trails.  So my husband spent weeks on kijiji trying to find a good sled and coach.  Then we spent what felt like days at Royal Distributing getting all the gear we needed.  We tried to get everything ready for the beginning of December assuming we would get some snow.  Instead we waited and waited and waited for snow so we could get out there.  FINALLY this week there has been enough snow that we could get out on the trails.  I have not driven a snowmobile in years so I was a bit nervous and I did hit a couple bumps pretty fast which made for a good laugh but we had a great time as a family and my kids had a blast so for them I'll suit up and pretend I love the snow too :)

Hashtag Grateful

I don't use hashtags, I don't twitter so I don't really understand them.  I enjoy when people come up with clever ones and roll my eyes at #blessed when someone is tagging a picture of their fancy car.  But if I were to pick a hashtag to describe my week it would be grateful.

My niece and her husband have spent the last 2 weeks at Sick kids with their 3 month old daughter and 3 weeks before that at a couple other hospitals.  My girls pray for their cousin Marlena every day so we decided to make a little trip and go visit them so the girls could see their cousin and get a better understanding of what and who they had been praying for.  For Mia especially we wanted her to understand that there were other kids out there living a much different life than her and hopefully understand what it meant to be grateful.  It turned out to be a bigger moment for me as I saw all these kids and their parents.  Thinking about how much life can change quickly and having a sick child will just put a complete pause button on your life.  Some of those kids had been there a year or more living their life in a hospital.  Their birthday, Christmas all in a hospital.  My heart just broke more and more every room we passed and those sweet little faces and moms and dads who were keeping a smile on their face for their kids sake but falling apart on the inside.  I couldn't help but just cry out to God in gratitude for our healthy children.

Then this week we took our girls to the grocery store to do a big shop to drop off at the food bank.  Mia is a serious picky eater and it's hard to help a 4 year old understand wasting food and how many people don't have anything to eat.  She is understanding more through the sponsor child we write to in Kenya but she needs to know it happens in our community as well.  After we dropped everything off I was talking to the lady at the front and a girl came in asking for diapers and formula for her baby.  Again I was just so grateful.  Grateful that God provides for our family and that through us and many other people who donate God can provide for that young girl as well.

We want our girls to really understand helping others and that if we are blessed we need to pass that along and bless others, help people when they need it without question and without anything in return and the best way to do it is these teachable moments when we can lead by example.

Why do we use Facebook for debates?

I remember hearing as a kid that when you have a large get together for dinner whether friends or family don't talk about politics or religion.  These are two topics guaranteed to fire up debate and possible arguments because everyone's opinion can be so different.  I think discussion on both topics is important and healthy but perhaps we have to choose our audience.

Now these debates are taking place over Facebook.  I see them all the time and they turn into big long debates/arguments.  I've heard that the aftermath of some of these debates leads to people "unfriending" each other on Facebook yet they still have to see each other in real life on a regular basis....so whats the point?  I really have no idea.

Here's the problem, in my opinion, with Facebook being a forum for these conversations.  You have many friends, a lot of those friends don't know your other friends.  You may have really only acquaintances as your so called friends who don't really know you that well either.  So everyone commenting may not know your sense of humor, personality or tone, and all these friends may not know each others humor, personality or tone and many times people get misunderstood as we know from texts or emails.  Then the back and forth starts, i've seen it escalate and get down right rude.  People can get hurt, friendships could end or a friend is put in the middle of 2 other people who don't know each other but had a huge fight on your Facebook page.

I've seen many posts I would like to put my 2 cents in on but I avoid it because I don't want to get caught up or wrapped up in some debate.  I avoid any controversial topics or comments on my own status line so I don't start something.  I don't accept friend requests or send friend requests with people I don't really know.

With the latest attack on Paris it brings the debate up again.  People are changing their profile pictures to show support for France, people are mad that others are doing that because it ignores all the other attacks.  Everyone is pointing fingers at other religious groups...it goes on and on.  Maybe some people enjoy the banter or enjoy seeing everyone get fired up.

I decided to have those discussions at home with my husband or my friends when we get together.    For me Facebook is a place to keep up with my friends, many of whom who live far away.  I can see how their kids are growing or what's going on in their lives and they can see mine.  After I graduated university it was hard to keep in touch with all my friends, they got married, moved, changed their email address and then you just couldn't find them anymore.  Now I can have regular contact with my group of girlfriends that were an important part of my life and I really enjoy that.  My extended family can see updates on my family more than just once a year with the family Christmas card.  So let's keep it light, why make life more complicated and stressful than it needs to be.

Birth Trauma

I recently read an article about women and birth trauma.  This is from the experience of the mother who had a traumatic birth experience with their child that has had a significant impact on them.  They are told that if they are healthy and their child is healthy they should just be happy and move on.

Now let me clarify that this is in NO way a rant on doctors or nurses.  But let's be realistic, yes they work hard but not ALL of them have the best bedside manner.  I think even doctors and nurses can agree with that.

Most women have a birth plan, but you have to be prepared for the fact that nothing will go the way you planned it to go.  I had planned to go as long as I could without drugs.  I was going to walk, use the tub whatever I could before I just couldn't take it anymore and hopefully I could get to the actual delivery without them.  Then I tested positive for Strep B which meant whenever I went into labor I was going to be hooked up to an IV and monitor right away so no walking or tub for me.  That actually turned out to be the best thing for me.  Just 30 minutes after I was hooked up to the monitor Mia's heart rate plummeted.  My husband noticed on the monitor and left the room, next thing I knew my rooms was full of nurses and my OB.  I was on my side, they were giving me oxygen and and trying to find Mia's heart rate.  They got it back and my OB said she's not handling contractions well, let's do a C-section and get her out.  I was a bit frazzled from everything going on but I wanted everyone safe and healthy.  Before I knew it I was in the OR getting ready for a C-section and Mia arrived.  She has some initial lung issues from swallowing fluids before she was born.  But I am so thankful I had to be initially hooked up to that monitor or we may have never known what was going on.

Her birth was traumatic, when I was pregnant with Melody I was faced with either scheduling a c-section or trying for a natural birth again.  It was a decision that plagued me right up until a month before my due date and I chose a c-section.  I was just too scared to go down that road again of a natural birth when so many things could go wrong.

What happened next still upsets me to this day.  Mia was born they brought her over to see me and she left with my husband and nurse to get cleaned up more and I got stitched up and off to recovery for an hour.  Everyone held my first born before my.  There was no skin to skin time, I barely had a chance to look at her.  We had just been through this scary experience and she was gone and I was by myself.  I guess in my mind I thought she could at least be in recovery with me so I could hold her.

Finally I was wheeled back to my room where my husband and our families were waiting for me, all of them passing Mia around.  Finally I got to hold her and the nurse said I had to feed her right away.  Not really knowing that I should be standing up for myself more I just went along with it.  So again I didn't get to just hold and snuggle her and look at her I had to try and feed her with everyone watching and this stranger of a nurse touching me all over and not really thinking that perhaps I didn't want to be topless in front of my entire family.

It seemed like hours before everything settled down and I could just hold her.  But even 4 years later I'm still hurt by the experience.  Those first moments with your baby are what you dream about.

Thankfully my birth experience with Melody was much smoother.  Even though I went in to labor before my scheduled c-section I still had a c-section once I got there.  It was just me and Phil, I learned my lesson about a room full of family waiting.  I was in recovery alone but at least I was prepared for that.  When I got to my room Phil was waiting with Melody and I got to hold her and just stare at her.  My sweet nurse gave me some time with her and came back later to help me feed her.  I think with your second they give you a bit more space assuming you know what your doing.

 It takes a mutual respect and trust between mom and nursing/doctors.  I didn't feel comfortable just  handing either of my babies over to go and have tests done with neither Phil or I going with them.  When we said we were coming too or when I asked them to wait until my husband got back so he could go with her I was looked at as crazy and an inconvenience.  That's not fare at all.  This is my child, it should be supported that I don't want my hours hold baby going to another floor of the hospital for x-rays without one of us.

I could totally relate to all the stories women wrote about birth trauma, it's not always in the way your delivery goes but even just the after care you receive and how you are treated post birth.  I hope more women talk about this and help other women who are pregnant understand how they should be treated and to have a voice during and after their birth.  This is supposed to be such a beautiful experience but gets ruined for so many.