Not a diet a new way of living

6 weeks ago my husband and I started a new health journey.  I have struggled with weight my entire life, I have been on one diet or another for 20 years.  When people say they have done every diet, I mean it literally I think I have done them all.  I've always lost weight and then put it back on for one reason or another.  The reality is that through all those diets I never dealt with the emotional side of eating.  You can learn to eat healthy and what a healthy portion looks like, or count points etc.  but if you don't deal with your emotional side of eating that will creep back in.

Before I got married I lost about 40 pounds with a nutritionist and regular visits to the gym.  I had more weight to lose but by my wedding day I was at a comfortable weight, I was happy in my wedding dress, I felt strong.  On our honeymoon I climbed to the top of the viewing roof of the Vatican and the leaning tower of Pisa - couldn't imagine doing that now without collapsing.

I kept the weight off but didn't lose anymore our first year of being married.  Then I got pregnant with Mia.  I tried to watch when I ate when I was pregnant but I did love myself some ice cream.  I gained about 35 pounds with that pregnancy.  After Mia was born i had a hard time with breast feeding and postpartum so the emotional eating kicked in and I didn't lose any of the weight I had gained.

My husband and I separated for 6 months when Mia was 9 months old.  More emotional eating and ended up gaining more weight.  So the 40 pounds I worked so hard to lose before I got married was back on and then some.  Thankfully we reconciled and we eat when we not only sad but happy too.  Then I got pregnant with Melody.  I knew I could not afford to gain a lot of weight during this pregnancy so I was very careful and thankfully only gained 10 pounds by the end of the pregnancy, i'm sure the first 3 months of constant morning sickness helped the weight stay off.

So here I was with both baby weights clinging to me and I was just uncomfortable, had no energy, wasn't happy with the way I looked or anything I wore, just miserable.  We watched the show Fit to Fat to Fit.  A personal trainer actually spends 4 months gaining weight and then takes it off with their client so they can really understand what it's like to try and lose weight and work out when you are overweight.  You saw the emotional and physical toll that eating all that crappy food and gaining weight did to them and it's exactly how I was feeling.

So my husband and I started the journey together.  I cut out things that I LOVED but I knew were weighing me down and my weaknesses.  No more pop, bread, pasta, rice and little to no dairy.  It hasn't been easy, I smell pizza in the grocery store and shed a tear but keep my eyes on the veggies and the prize, a healthier life and my self-confidence back.  We are also doing it for our kids, we want a long healthy life with them and we don't want this to be a struggle they deal with in their lives either so we get them eating healthy with us.

So as we come to an end on week 6 of this journey I have lost 23 pounds and my husband just passed 40 pounds.  The jeans that i could barely do up and were very uncomfortable are not lose.  My husband is adding more and more holes to his belt.  Our energy is up and our overall happiness is up. For me the main thing is changing my relationship with food and how I look at it.  I still enjoy what I eat but I can't let it be a crutch to turn to when i'm upset or celebrating with a treat.  That part of the journey is a work in progress but I'm getting better...on we go.

If I knew then what I know now.......

This is my advice to first time parents, things I wish I had known or are thankful I made the right decision along the way:

I'm sure house home is lovely, it won't be for long.  I would love a new coach or new kitchen table but what's the point.  Something will get spilled or there will be marker or crayon all over your table.  If your furniture is white buy couch covers now and you can take them off in 10 years, it will be like a new couch! I have come to terms with the fact that it will be a good 8 to 10 years before I can do anything nice to my house again.

Get rid of anything furniture that is glass.  We have a glass TV stand, I clean fingerprints daily!

With that said only buy your kids WASHABLE markers, paint and crayons - read the boxes carefully so you buy the right ones.

Do not buy the squeezable bath toys - they never really dry inside and mold grows so easy in there it's just gross!

The sales people at Babies R Us are nice, they are happy for you, they also want your money.  Take someone shopping with you that has kids and can help you be more realistic with your purchases.  I picked out, (with the help of the sales employee) a super nice and very expensive stroller.  Then when it came time to actually use it with kids both baby and toddler stage I started to see all the problems with this super expensive investment of mine.  No cup holder for me or the kid.  It drove really well but was big and bulky and when the baby started sitting in the actual stroller seat and not the car seat anymore they didn't look that comfortable.  When we went to Florida with Mia for the first time at 15 months old I knew there was no way I was taking the stroller on the airplane and have it all beat up from luggage.  I went and bought a Graco stroller on sale for $50 and it was perfect.  She fit perfect, she had a cup holder and space for snack, I had a cup holder and a nice spot to put my phone.  Seriously $50!!  Even better if you get one where the tray opens up so they can climb in themselves as they get older.  

I was at Target when Melody was a baby and this lady asked me to help her pick out a high chair.  She was about to be a first time grandmother and wanted a high chair for her house and she was intimidated but the huge selection.  Her daughter had picked out this chic fab high chair - there is nothing chic or fab about trying to clean off blueberries from the seat of your high chair.  This was where I actually made a good choice - I bought the Graco high chair with wheels because we have all tile and hard wood - and the seat cover is easy to wipe and even folded so we  could store it easier.

Another good choice was my baby swing.  Again thank you Graco - I got the 2 in one swing which plugs into the wall...save yourself the $ on batteries.  The seat of swing comes out and becomes your bouncy seat and vibrates.  The baby would be in the swing but I wanted to bring her to the kitchen - just pull out the seat and bring her with me.  Saves on $ and having even more baby stuff in your house.

Hopefully someone can learn from my mistakes :) 

Food Crawl

Earlier this week we spent some time in Toronto visiting a family member in the hospital.  We had to leave him for a couple hours so he could get some rest so we took the girls to go get lunch, but we just couldn't decide what to have or where to go so we did a mini food crawl.  This was a "pull up, run in get something, share what you got with everyone and eat in the car food crawl" because parking and getting everyone out at each stop was a bit much.  Our first stop was my choice, Wahlbugers.  I watch the reality show so I wanted to see what all the fuss was about and funny enough I had a feeling I would be disappointed going into it.  I ordered the "eh" burger, it's a burger with peameal bacon and a fried egg on it.  Nice idea however when the egg yoke breaks it makes it almost impossible to eat and super messy.  And in my opinion it was overpriced.  $12 for a burger by itself, they aren't huge and frankly I could have made that at home. Your paying for the name and the show in my opinion.

Our next stop was a Deli owned by a Jewish family, I can't remember the name and I'm not the person who takes pictures of all their food either.  It was a Deli we saw on Dragon's Den that has a store front and a food truck.  We had what they called, Jewish comfort food.  It was ground meat, potatoes, onions in a pastry and a gravy to dip it in.  It was really good, and a couple apply pastries for dessert.

Then we hit little Italy and I was in search of a Cannoli.  The best one I have ever had was in New Jersey at the Cake Boss bakery.  Nothing has come close since then until this trip.  I found a little corner bakery and everyone inside was speaking Italian so I knew this was legit.  The cannoli was fantastic, I was a happy girl.

Our last stop was another deli for some turkey dogs for the girls and an amazing roast beef sandwich, messy but so good.

I can't wait to do it again but next time I want to do food trucks, is there a food truck row or an area of Toronto that has several to pick from??

My family loves the snow...and I go along with it :)

My husband and my kids LOVE the snow.  It's hard to tell who's more excited when it snows my kids or my husband, they all get giddy and run around the house.  I go along with it because they all love it so much, but I could do without it :)  My husband loves to snowmobile and it's always been his thing to do with his friends.  Now that the girls are older we talked about getting a second snowmobile and a little snow coach that Phil could tow the girls in on the trails.  So my husband spent weeks on kijiji trying to find a good sled and coach.  Then we spent what felt like days at Royal Distributing getting all the gear we needed.  We tried to get everything ready for the beginning of December assuming we would get some snow.  Instead we waited and waited and waited for snow so we could get out there.  FINALLY this week there has been enough snow that we could get out on the trails.  I have not driven a snowmobile in years so I was a bit nervous and I did hit a couple bumps pretty fast which made for a good laugh but we had a great time as a family and my kids had a blast so for them I'll suit up and pretend I love the snow too :)

Hashtag Grateful

I don't use hashtags, I don't twitter so I don't really understand them.  I enjoy when people come up with clever ones and roll my eyes at #blessed when someone is tagging a picture of their fancy car.  But if I were to pick a hashtag to describe my week it would be grateful.

My niece and her husband have spent the last 2 weeks at Sick kids with their 3 month old daughter and 3 weeks before that at a couple other hospitals.  My girls pray for their cousin Marlena every day so we decided to make a little trip and go visit them so the girls could see their cousin and get a better understanding of what and who they had been praying for.  For Mia especially we wanted her to understand that there were other kids out there living a much different life than her and hopefully understand what it meant to be grateful.  It turned out to be a bigger moment for me as I saw all these kids and their parents.  Thinking about how much life can change quickly and having a sick child will just put a complete pause button on your life.  Some of those kids had been there a year or more living their life in a hospital.  Their birthday, Christmas all in a hospital.  My heart just broke more and more every room we passed and those sweet little faces and moms and dads who were keeping a smile on their face for their kids sake but falling apart on the inside.  I couldn't help but just cry out to God in gratitude for our healthy children.

Then this week we took our girls to the grocery store to do a big shop to drop off at the food bank.  Mia is a serious picky eater and it's hard to help a 4 year old understand wasting food and how many people don't have anything to eat.  She is understanding more through the sponsor child we write to in Kenya but she needs to know it happens in our community as well.  After we dropped everything off I was talking to the lady at the front and a girl came in asking for diapers and formula for her baby.  Again I was just so grateful.  Grateful that God provides for our family and that through us and many other people who donate God can provide for that young girl as well.

We want our girls to really understand helping others and that if we are blessed we need to pass that along and bless others, help people when they need it without question and without anything in return and the best way to do it is these teachable moments when we can lead by example.

Why do we use Facebook for debates?

I remember hearing as a kid that when you have a large get together for dinner whether friends or family don't talk about politics or religion.  These are two topics guaranteed to fire up debate and possible arguments because everyone's opinion can be so different.  I think discussion on both topics is important and healthy but perhaps we have to choose our audience.

Now these debates are taking place over Facebook.  I see them all the time and they turn into big long debates/arguments.  I've heard that the aftermath of some of these debates leads to people "unfriending" each other on Facebook yet they still have to see each other in real life on a regular basis....so whats the point?  I really have no idea.

Here's the problem, in my opinion, with Facebook being a forum for these conversations.  You have many friends, a lot of those friends don't know your other friends.  You may have really only acquaintances as your so called friends who don't really know you that well either.  So everyone commenting may not know your sense of humor, personality or tone, and all these friends may not know each others humor, personality or tone and many times people get misunderstood as we know from texts or emails.  Then the back and forth starts, i've seen it escalate and get down right rude.  People can get hurt, friendships could end or a friend is put in the middle of 2 other people who don't know each other but had a huge fight on your Facebook page.

I've seen many posts I would like to put my 2 cents in on but I avoid it because I don't want to get caught up or wrapped up in some debate.  I avoid any controversial topics or comments on my own status line so I don't start something.  I don't accept friend requests or send friend requests with people I don't really know.

With the latest attack on Paris it brings the debate up again.  People are changing their profile pictures to show support for France, people are mad that others are doing that because it ignores all the other attacks.  Everyone is pointing fingers at other religious groups...it goes on and on.  Maybe some people enjoy the banter or enjoy seeing everyone get fired up.

I decided to have those discussions at home with my husband or my friends when we get together.    For me Facebook is a place to keep up with my friends, many of whom who live far away.  I can see how their kids are growing or what's going on in their lives and they can see mine.  After I graduated university it was hard to keep in touch with all my friends, they got married, moved, changed their email address and then you just couldn't find them anymore.  Now I can have regular contact with my group of girlfriends that were an important part of my life and I really enjoy that.  My extended family can see updates on my family more than just once a year with the family Christmas card.  So let's keep it light, why make life more complicated and stressful than it needs to be.

Birth Trauma

I recently read an article about women and birth trauma.  This is from the experience of the mother who had a traumatic birth experience with their child that has had a significant impact on them.  They are told that if they are healthy and their child is healthy they should just be happy and move on.

Now let me clarify that this is in NO way a rant on doctors or nurses.  But let's be realistic, yes they work hard but not ALL of them have the best bedside manner.  I think even doctors and nurses can agree with that.

Most women have a birth plan, but you have to be prepared for the fact that nothing will go the way you planned it to go.  I had planned to go as long as I could without drugs.  I was going to walk, use the tub whatever I could before I just couldn't take it anymore and hopefully I could get to the actual delivery without them.  Then I tested positive for Strep B which meant whenever I went into labor I was going to be hooked up to an IV and monitor right away so no walking or tub for me.  That actually turned out to be the best thing for me.  Just 30 minutes after I was hooked up to the monitor Mia's heart rate plummeted.  My husband noticed on the monitor and left the room, next thing I knew my rooms was full of nurses and my OB.  I was on my side, they were giving me oxygen and and trying to find Mia's heart rate.  They got it back and my OB said she's not handling contractions well, let's do a C-section and get her out.  I was a bit frazzled from everything going on but I wanted everyone safe and healthy.  Before I knew it I was in the OR getting ready for a C-section and Mia arrived.  She has some initial lung issues from swallowing fluids before she was born.  But I am so thankful I had to be initially hooked up to that monitor or we may have never known what was going on.

Her birth was traumatic, when I was pregnant with Melody I was faced with either scheduling a c-section or trying for a natural birth again.  It was a decision that plagued me right up until a month before my due date and I chose a c-section.  I was just too scared to go down that road again of a natural birth when so many things could go wrong.

What happened next still upsets me to this day.  Mia was born they brought her over to see me and she left with my husband and nurse to get cleaned up more and I got stitched up and off to recovery for an hour.  Everyone held my first born before my.  There was no skin to skin time, I barely had a chance to look at her.  We had just been through this scary experience and she was gone and I was by myself.  I guess in my mind I thought she could at least be in recovery with me so I could hold her.

Finally I was wheeled back to my room where my husband and our families were waiting for me, all of them passing Mia around.  Finally I got to hold her and the nurse said I had to feed her right away.  Not really knowing that I should be standing up for myself more I just went along with it.  So again I didn't get to just hold and snuggle her and look at her I had to try and feed her with everyone watching and this stranger of a nurse touching me all over and not really thinking that perhaps I didn't want to be topless in front of my entire family.

It seemed like hours before everything settled down and I could just hold her.  But even 4 years later I'm still hurt by the experience.  Those first moments with your baby are what you dream about.

Thankfully my birth experience with Melody was much smoother.  Even though I went in to labor before my scheduled c-section I still had a c-section once I got there.  It was just me and Phil, I learned my lesson about a room full of family waiting.  I was in recovery alone but at least I was prepared for that.  When I got to my room Phil was waiting with Melody and I got to hold her and just stare at her.  My sweet nurse gave me some time with her and came back later to help me feed her.  I think with your second they give you a bit more space assuming you know what your doing.

 It takes a mutual respect and trust between mom and nursing/doctors.  I didn't feel comfortable just  handing either of my babies over to go and have tests done with neither Phil or I going with them.  When we said we were coming too or when I asked them to wait until my husband got back so he could go with her I was looked at as crazy and an inconvenience.  That's not fare at all.  This is my child, it should be supported that I don't want my hours hold baby going to another floor of the hospital for x-rays without one of us.

I could totally relate to all the stories women wrote about birth trauma, it's not always in the way your delivery goes but even just the after care you receive and how you are treated post birth.  I hope more women talk about this and help other women who are pregnant understand how they should be treated and to have a voice during and after their birth.  This is supposed to be such a beautiful experience but gets ruined for so many.

2 the magic number

2 seems to be the magic number when it comes to your kids.  All of a sudden when your little one turns 2 they are supposed to grow up overnight and they aren't your baby anymore.  When someone asks how old your kid is and you say 2 then the questions start, "oh are you potty training? are they in their big kid bed yet?"  Why do we have to rush everything and make them grow up so fast.  I can see with your first child giving in to all the advice and books advising you what to do at certain ages.

I'm glad with both my girls i'm not rushing things.  I started potty training Mia when she was 2 1/2 because she was finally giving me the signal that she was totally ready and it was a faster and more successful process by letting her lead the way.  Once she was potty trained we let the soother go and she moved to her big kid bed.  Is she less advanced because I waited awhile to make these transitions?  Not at all.

Melody turned 2 August 1.  I'm having a really hard time with letting go of her being the baby.  I'm sure she would love a big kid bed but in her crib she stays my baby a bit longer.  Plus in a bed I think she would never go to sleep, she'd be running all over the house and mommy doesn't need that headache.  I want to soak up these years because it goes by so fast.....stop growing up!

The Regurgitator was robbed!!!

I know I'm a couple weeks late on commenting on the finale of America's Got Talent but we watch everything on our PVR so we area usually a few days late on shows, but we get to skip the commercials :)

I never thought I would root for someone called The Professional Regurgitator and I didn't really want to see his tricks until my husband promised me it wasn't gross just crazy...and he was right!  Some of the magicians tricks if you watch it back enough you can see their loopholes, I have no idea how the mentalist guy did what he did but it's interesting he always used the judges and no one else.  I honestly don't think they should have singers or bands on there, they have their own shows, this should really be about weird and wacky talents that don't have an outlet anywhere else.

That's what made The Professional Regurgitator so amazing.  I honestly have no idea how he can swallow 5 tacs and a magnet, move his stomach around and make sure only 4 tacs make it to the magnet and then bring the magnet back up.  I fear for his health but the fact that you just can't figure out how he does it was a winning quality.

We felt robbed for watching an entire season and see the vantriloquist win, we've seen that before and a vantriloquist already won Britain's Got Talent, no offense to his talent.

Anyway enough people saw the Professional Regurgiator that I'm sure he's got a future somewhere!

Here's one of his crazy tricks!

First 2 weeks of school

We are in our second week of homeschooling and what an adventure already.  I am facing some challenges with my little ones.  First is a schedule.  We never really lived by a schedule other than naps in the afternoon.  My two do not like eating breakfast right away when they wake up.  So trying to get them up and eat so that we can start school is a challenge.  I am finding that muffins and a smoothie are the way to go because they can bring it with them (we do school in the basement, thankfully it's a walk out so still bright).  So we seem to start around 9:30 and end at noon.  That's about all they can handle right now.  As they get older and we have more to cover I know that getting started earlier will be key to still finishing by lunch.

We start with Oh Canada and the Lords Prayer.  We do calendar time and the weather and we are learning the days of the week song (tune of the Adam's Family). 

I found a homeschooling mom who created her own curriculum that I bought online and printed and it's working great.  It covers a new letter each week and all the activities coordinate with that letter, like B for butterfly.  I also include work from Comprehensive Curriculum of Basic Skills that I got at Costco for Pre-K.  My character building comes from Kids of Integrity by Focus on the Family.  We are focusing on respect right now and created a chart for our living room/dining room that is a good tool to take the kids to look at when they need a reminder.  And yes even mom and dad need a reminder which Mia is quick to point out. 

Yesterday I told them about Paul from Ghana who we sponsor through World Vision.  We have his picture up and wrote him a letter.  I think talking about him and how different his life is from ours is important for our girls to understand how blessed they are.  Now they can understand why I tell them not to leave the water running and being wasteful.

It is a lot of fun to see those light bulb moments when they really get something and their memories are amazing, if only mine was like that!

Just me and mommy

I think the second born kids get jilted a lot.  I don't have as many pictures for Melody as I do Mia.  I rushed through her baby book trying to remember stuff to say that I did one for her.  We don't soak in all the wonderful moments like we do with our first.

I had 21 months of mommy and Mia time before Melody was born.  I've never really had that time with Melody.  So when I do get it I eat it up and cherish it.  Recently Mia had a sleepover at my in-laws which gave me a full day with Melody.  We did a bit of grocery shopping but for Melody this was important because she got to push the little kiddy cart at Foodland that Mia usually pushes while Melody sits in the big cart.  She LOVED it until it was time to pay and put the cart away..then it was a meltdown moment but thankfully it was just her I had to get out of the store and not both of them.

She sat in the bathroom with me while I got ready and played with all my hair clips and make-up brushes, usually she's off with Mia while I do this so it was fun to have the company.  She helped me make pancakes and also cooked up some specialties in her play kitchen.  She hosted a tea party where I was the guest of honor and we snuggled and took a nap together.

They are all little things but so such sweet things to do together.  Mia is the boss around here....for now until Melody really starts to show her what she's made of.....so Melody doesn't always get free range on all the toys with no on bothering her or taking stuff away.  So I think she really enjoyed a little freedom in the toy department too.  But I know she missed her big sister seeing as she asked about her every 5 minutes :)

WHAT?!?!? Your'e going to homeschool??

In a couple weeks I will start a new chapter in my life, teacher.  But here's the thing, as parents we are always teachers, I'm just becoming one more officially as I start homeschooling my oldest daughter Mia.

I will start with my disclaimer, I'm not anti-school, anti-teachers, this is just a decision we have made for our family for our reasons.

Homeschooling is something we had always thought about but my decision was confirmed when I decided to not work full time anymore after Melody was born.  I still do my radio show but the rest of my time is with my girls.  I wanted to pour into their lives 100%.  Deut. 6:5-7 says "Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.  These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts.  Impress them on your children.  Talk about them when you sit at home and wen you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up."  How can I do this when they are gone 80% of the day.  Then they come home burnt out and your
opportunities with them are less and less.

It's so easy to get caught up in the business of life.  Kids have after school activities, hours of homework piling up on them.  Homeschooling is my opportunity to really spend time with them.  No laundry, cooking or dishes getting in the way.  It's just us one on one.  I don't want to look back on their lives and have any regrets that we didn't spend enough time together.  These few years have already gone so fast I feel like it's only going to go faster.  We can pick up and travel without worrying about taking them out of school, we can take school with us.  We can set our own schedule.  Do school through the summer if we want and take Friday's off through the year to do this.  We don't have to be up at 6am to get everyone ready to rush out and be on time for school.  We can do what we want and that's awesome!

One question I do get asked about in regards to homeschooling is "socializing".  I don't really know what people mean exactly when they ask this but I'm assuming it's about them having a social life and friendships.  We are committed to making sure our girls are involved in enough organized activities outside our home like swimming, dance, or whatever they want to get involved in but not too much  that family is no longer the priority.  I do think it's important that they spend time with friends.  They will have their friends at church as well as the wonderful homeschooling community that we are involved with.  That's the great thing about how far homeschooling has come.  We have a group that we will meet with each week where the girls can make friends.  So there will be lots of "socializing".  Some other homeschool moms told me they had to pull back on all their activities because there is so much to get involved with.

What are we hoping for our kids from this? We want them to learn to trust in the Word of God, to have it hidden in their heart. We want to train them in the way they should go, so it may go well with them. We want them to be healthy, confident, and to know they are beautifully and wonderfully made. We want them to keep their childlike faith, and we want them to be a light in this world.  We want them to be confident, to have good manners, to be compassionate, to be respectful, and to be humble in spirit.

It's an exciting journey can't wait to start!

Melody has grown....but have I?

Last year at this time I wrote about Melody's first birthday party and the fact that I went over the top on my spending regarding the decor and theme.....and no one noticed!  Pinterest will literally make you crazy when you see all these pictures of kids birthday parties and all the work that moms put into it, but do the kids notice all the little things...NO...we do it for the adults, mainly the other moms so they will think we are awesome.

Over the weekend we celebrated Melody's second birthday.  As a mom you can't help but spend the time reflecting on the day they were born and how much your life has changed because of them and how fast they are growing up.  So Melody has obviously grown, but have I grown since last year and my party obsession.

I would say yes and no....it's all about baby steps.  First of all the guest list was much smaller, just a couple friends and family so I would say that's growth.  I picked the Disney Cars theme.  She LOVES that movie and we have a special tie to it after staying at the CARS hotel in Disney this year.

I'm not crafty so last year I overspent because I ordered all my owl decorations from other crafty moms on Etsy.  Thankfully CARS theme party supplies are available at several different dollar stores so I saved money there Now with that said it did look like the CARS movie threw up in my house with all the decorations but they were cheap...so again a little progress.

Because of the smaller guest list I didn't have to obsess over the food and trying to come up with cute ideas.  It was much simpler and less of a headache.  I wanted to attempt to make the cake for Melody. Again i'm not crafty so this could be a disaster but I wanted to at least try.  I had to get over what everyone was going to think....I made it with love, the kids thought it was cute and really just wanted to eat it so who cares what it looks like.

I wanted to make Melody a cute birthday shirt with the CARS logo.  Thankfully a friend with photo shop was able to make the logo for me.  I rarely use my color printer so the iron on transfer didn't print as bright as I wanted and then it faded more once I ironed it on the shirt.  This is where I need more growth.  I obsessed over this silly shirt.  Did I have time to go get another ink cartridge?  I had another shirt they came in a pack of 2.  But I don't ever print in color so this shirt was going to end up costing me a lot more money than I had planned.  I took me awhile to bring myself back to planet earth and remind myself that she is only 2.  It has Lightening Mcqueen on it that's all she cares about, so I didn't go get the extra ink and she loved her shirt.....baby steps.  By the way she only wore for about an hour until she opened a birthday gift with new clothes from her Nana and she had to put on the new stuff.

All in all it was a really fun day.  We celebrated our sweet girl who brings so much light and noise to our lives :)  Mia loves a party so she had a blast even if it wasn't her birthday.  Phil, as a dad to 2 girls, will probably be around a lot of pink girly birthday parties in the future.  So I think he enjoyed having the cars theme too :)

2 years ago I learned that just when you think you have this parenting thing under control you have your second child, who is the total opposite of your first, and you throw out everything you thought you knew and start over again. Melody is incredibly strong willed with a side of stubborn. She has a set of lungs that will make your ears ring and quite mischievous. She is loving with her hugs and snuggles, funny, smart and super cute. 90% of the time she adores her big sister the other 10% she is exercising her lungs with her. Watching their relationship grow has been pure joy. They are the first people they both ask about each morning. She has brought so much light and joy into our lives I couldn't imagine a day without her.

When I go through pictures of my girls when they were babies I get sad about how fast they are growing up.  Melody will be 2 in a couple weeks and when you start to accept that this will probably be your last child you just want time to stand still.  But at the same time I am so thankful for the stages we are in now.  Mia is becoming quite self sufficient.  She gets dressed, brushes her teeth, uses the bathroom without any help.  She still needs me to do pony tails which is always ok with me.  She even helped get Melody dressed the past couple days.  It definitely makes the mornings a bit easier when she can take care of herself for the most part while I get Melody and myself ready.  I'm looking forward to the phase when they are both a bit older and can be on their own in the morning for a bit while mommy sleeps in :).....but not too soon  I still want my babies a bit longer.

Code Red!

Dining out with small children is hard.  I wish I had the kids that sat nicely through dinner so everyone could enjoy themselves.....I don't and that's my reality, yet we still try.  Friday night we went to Swiss Chalet for dinner, yes we are super fancy but there are only a few choices here in Wasaga Beach.  It was super busy and the kids food came out first which is great then we can get them started and settled in to eating.  They start eating and still no dinners for us.  They finish eating and still no dinners for us.....this is not looking good.  Phil left the table for a minute, Mia runs to follow and Melody freaks out for daddy.  In order to save the hearing of the poor people at the booth behind us I pick up Melody and while passing my husband I call a code red, abort mission.  That means get our food to go i'll meet you in the car.

It is one of the most embarrassing moments as a parent when you have to haul a screaming child out of a busy restaurant.  But I have to say I enjoyed my dinner much more when we got home and put the kids to bed and could eat peacefully.  It won't always be this way, (I hope) eventually we can enjoy dinners out together again but when my husband suggested going for dinner last night, and as much as I would have liked to NOT cook dinner, I said no thank you :)

Some relationships aren't always the way we would want them to be.  Some we wish could be a closer relationship and are strained for whatever reason.  When I have a relationship like this I lose sleep, I stress, I try to figure out how the relationship got to this point, I try to figure out ways that can repair it and bring it closer, I literally age myself from the toil I put myself through.

Low and behold I was watching "Flipping Out" a design/reality show with Jeff Lewis.  It half about his life as an interior designer/house flipper and half about his personal life.  So he was going to have lunch with his father and he's talking about their relationship and he even said it's not the relationship he would hope for but he can either accept that relationship the way it is or have no relationship at all.

I didn't think I would be getting inspiration from that show, other than design ideas, but what he said really hit me and kind of gave me some relief.  I can either let this age me more, or submit control and accept it for what it is.  It may be this way forever which again I have to accept, and I can just keep praying for resolve and pray that it could get better in the future.

When It's Hard to Respect Our Elders......

We have been taught since a young age to respect our elders, but sometimes it can be hard when they are clearly not respecting us.

I haven't been to the movies since I was pregnant with Melody...so about 2 years now.  I managed to escape on Saturday for a movie with a friend which was awesome.  As the movie is just starting I check my phone one last time and answer a quick text to my husband who is home with our kids and couldn't find something he needed for the girls.  To be clear my phone made NO sound whatsoever I had it on vibrate.  I sent it down beside me on top of my purse.  A few seats down from me there was an older couple, probably in their 70's.  She looked at me and said (in a very rude voice) "can you turn that thing off"  I apologized because the screen was still bright, assuming that's what upset her, and flipped my phone over.  Then she made a very loud tisk sound like that was just not good enough for her.  So my movie was off to a great start and I was pretty peeved at her.  So I got her attention and I said I'm sorry but I'm not turning my phone completely off I have 2 small kids at home.  Again I got another tisk.

Sorry lady that's just how it is.  I'm not going to be unreachable when my kids are at home in case I am needed, I'm sure everyone else does the same.  I didn't use or touch my phone the rest of the movie but anytime I reached into my purse or made noise with my snacks she was giving me dirty looks.  Even when we left my friend saw her shoot me another one when we were going down the stairs.

I really had to bite my tongue with her, and I did because she was older but sometimes that doesn't seem fair that she can get away with that behavior and we hold back and use the "she's older" excuse.  However I did play the "I'm pregnant" card a lot when I was moody or hungry or didn't want to do any house work so I'll let it pass this time lady.......

Baby #3?

No this is not a baby announcement.  Just an honest conversation I have been having with myself for months now.  My husband would love another baby so I am the one holding up production on this project so to speak.

First of all, let's be real, I'm 39 this summer so time is ticking away if I'm going to do this.  One of my biggest concerns/fears is my age and the risk for a problem pregnancy/health issues for the baby are greater the older I get.  The other reality is being of a certain age with little kids, being 50 with a 10 year old, being 60 and wanting to enjoy retirement while my kids are in University and sucking all our retirement money from us.  But these are things I cannot change.  I got married later in life so naturally kids came later than maybe I had always wanted.

Second, there are many days where 2 little kids is all I can handle before going nuts.  Another one and we are officially outnumbered.  2 is manageable.  When we go out it's man on man defense with each kid.  Today I went to the store to simply get milk.  Mia wanted to push the little kid carts that they provide and started running in circles almost taking out a couple shoppers.  I pulled her aside to talk about it and she launched into full meltdown (forget terrible 2's which weren't so terrible for me, it's the terrible 3's!!!).  Then Melody is trying to stand up in the cart (no belts provided for kids in this cart which is crazy) so I'm trying to keep Melody sitting and trying to get Mia to pull it together so we can just get the stinkin Milk and go.  Then I imagine a baby throw into that mix and I think it would be insane!

Right now I have a garage full of baby stuff, swing, bouncer, exersaucer, change table, extra strollers and playpens, boxes of baby clothes to the ceiling.  I've been hanging on to it all "just in case" because odds are I would give it all away and then get pregnant by accident.  I just need to rip the band-aid, pull the trigger and make a decision.  But I'm horribly indecisive.  My feelings change everyday about the subject.  When I start to put more baby stuff away and think about getting rid of all the big stuff I get sad that there could be no more babies.  I was showing Mia our home movies from the past few years including when she was born and when Melody was born and my heart swells because I just adored that time.

I would love for the girls to have another sibling.  They would LOVE a baby in the house and Mia is getting older so she would actually be quite a helper this time around.  When Melody was born Mia was so young herself it just felt like having 2 babies.  Someday Phil and I won't be around anymore and they will just have each other and the more family to have and lean on the better.

Maybe I should just go on faith and let God decide, if I get pregnant great if not that's ok too......to be continued.............

Small Town Girl

Well I was born in a small town
And I can breathe in a small town
Gonna die in this small town
And that's probably where they'll bury me

John Mellencamp said it perfectly.  I never thought I would truly be small town girl but the past few years have proven that I will always be a small town girl at heart.  I spent most of my childhood years in Norwich ON - very small town.  One stop light, well it actually may have just been a 4 way stop back then, hard to remember.  One corner store, one grocery store, everyone knew everyone.  My dad grew up there too, my grandma and all my uncles lived there and a couple of them still do and a lot of my cousins.  My parents commuted everyday to Brantford for work and when it was time for me to start school I went to school in Brantford as well.  Brantford, when I was growing up, was pretty much a small town too but it's gotten bigger over the years, and eventually we moved to Brantford.  When I moved to Barrie it felt big to me right away.  When it takes a half an hour to an hour to get from one end of the city to the other that's a big city to me.  The traffic stresses me out, thankfully I learned back ways over the years to try and get around it.  6 years ago I moved to Wasaga Beach when I got married, back to small town living and I love it.  Thankfully the LIFE studio is right off the highway so it's an easy in and out for me but when I have to go anywhere else in Barrie it's crazy.  The construction, the traffic it's nuts!  When you get used to small town living it can be a shock to your system.  I love the slower, quieter pace.  Collingwood is close by and beautiful to visit.  I love taking a drive up 26 along the water to Thornbury and Meaford.  I love visiting NYC and Toronto once in awhile but I could never see myself living there.  I'm excited to raise my girls in a small town, who knows what there future will be!

What we REALLY want for Mother's Day

What is the purpose of Mother's Day.  A day to celebrate our mom, a day to give her a break or a "day off"?  I think it all depends on what stage of life you are at either as a mom or with your mom.  If you are grown up and don't live at home anymore it's a time to take your mom out, spend some quality time with her.  If you are a mom to little kids let's be frank, we get quality time 24/7.  So as a mom what do we REALLY want for mother's day?

We want to get a full nights sleep and maybe even sleep in.
We want to go to the bathroom by ourselves.
We want to take a shower or bath in peace without someone banging on the door or charging in.
We want to eat a meal while it's still warm and we don't want to share.
We want to go a whole day where we don't have to answer any questions.
We want to spend a day in a nice outfit that isn't covered in snot, throw up or anything sticky.
We want to be taken care of.

It's ok to want all these things.  As moms we give ourselves 100% to everyone else all the time.  It's ok to want a little me time or some "time off" to just recharge.  If you're like me you probably have guilt about it which I don't think we will ever get rid of but sometimes alone time is just necessary.  For me it makes me a better mom and wife to just breathe for a minute.  It doesn't mean I don't love my family it just means I'm being honest with them and myself.

I love my girls more than anything else, and I am so thankful I have a husband who will step in and give me the break when I need it.  And on top of the break for the day I get a gift too :)