Birth Trauma

I recently read an article about women and birth trauma.  This is from the experience of the mother who had a traumatic birth experience with their child that has had a significant impact on them.  They are told that if they are healthy and their child is healthy they should just be happy and move on.

Now let me clarify that this is in NO way a rant on doctors or nurses.  But let's be realistic, yes they work hard but not ALL of them have the best bedside manner.  I think even doctors and nurses can agree with that.

Most women have a birth plan, but you have to be prepared for the fact that nothing will go the way you planned it to go.  I had planned to go as long as I could without drugs.  I was going to walk, use the tub whatever I could before I just couldn't take it anymore and hopefully I could get to the actual delivery without them.  Then I tested positive for Strep B which meant whenever I went into labor I was going to be hooked up to an IV and monitor right away so no walking or tub for me.  That actually turned out to be the best thing for me.  Just 30 minutes after I was hooked up to the monitor Mia's heart rate plummeted.  My husband noticed on the monitor and left the room, next thing I knew my rooms was full of nurses and my OB.  I was on my side, they were giving me oxygen and and trying to find Mia's heart rate.  They got it back and my OB said she's not handling contractions well, let's do a C-section and get her out.  I was a bit frazzled from everything going on but I wanted everyone safe and healthy.  Before I knew it I was in the OR getting ready for a C-section and Mia arrived.  She has some initial lung issues from swallowing fluids before she was born.  But I am so thankful I had to be initially hooked up to that monitor or we may have never known what was going on.

Her birth was traumatic, when I was pregnant with Melody I was faced with either scheduling a c-section or trying for a natural birth again.  It was a decision that plagued me right up until a month before my due date and I chose a c-section.  I was just too scared to go down that road again of a natural birth when so many things could go wrong.

What happened next still upsets me to this day.  Mia was born they brought her over to see me and she left with my husband and nurse to get cleaned up more and I got stitched up and off to recovery for an hour.  Everyone held my first born before my.  There was no skin to skin time, I barely had a chance to look at her.  We had just been through this scary experience and she was gone and I was by myself.  I guess in my mind I thought she could at least be in recovery with me so I could hold her.

Finally I was wheeled back to my room where my husband and our families were waiting for me, all of them passing Mia around.  Finally I got to hold her and the nurse said I had to feed her right away.  Not really knowing that I should be standing up for myself more I just went along with it.  So again I didn't get to just hold and snuggle her and look at her I had to try and feed her with everyone watching and this stranger of a nurse touching me all over and not really thinking that perhaps I didn't want to be topless in front of my entire family.

It seemed like hours before everything settled down and I could just hold her.  But even 4 years later I'm still hurt by the experience.  Those first moments with your baby are what you dream about.

Thankfully my birth experience with Melody was much smoother.  Even though I went in to labor before my scheduled c-section I still had a c-section once I got there.  It was just me and Phil, I learned my lesson about a room full of family waiting.  I was in recovery alone but at least I was prepared for that.  When I got to my room Phil was waiting with Melody and I got to hold her and just stare at her.  My sweet nurse gave me some time with her and came back later to help me feed her.  I think with your second they give you a bit more space assuming you know what your doing.

 It takes a mutual respect and trust between mom and nursing/doctors.  I didn't feel comfortable just  handing either of my babies over to go and have tests done with neither Phil or I going with them.  When we said we were coming too or when I asked them to wait until my husband got back so he could go with her I was looked at as crazy and an inconvenience.  That's not fare at all.  This is my child, it should be supported that I don't want my hours hold baby going to another floor of the hospital for x-rays without one of us.

I could totally relate to all the stories women wrote about birth trauma, it's not always in the way your delivery goes but even just the after care you receive and how you are treated post birth.  I hope more women talk about this and help other women who are pregnant understand how they should be treated and to have a voice during and after their birth.  This is supposed to be such a beautiful experience but gets ruined for so many.

2 the magic number

2 seems to be the magic number when it comes to your kids.  All of a sudden when your little one turns 2 they are supposed to grow up overnight and they aren't your baby anymore.  When someone asks how old your kid is and you say 2 then the questions start, "oh are you potty training? are they in their big kid bed yet?"  Why do we have to rush everything and make them grow up so fast.  I can see with your first child giving in to all the advice and books advising you what to do at certain ages.

I'm glad with both my girls i'm not rushing things.  I started potty training Mia when she was 2 1/2 because she was finally giving me the signal that she was totally ready and it was a faster and more successful process by letting her lead the way.  Once she was potty trained we let the soother go and she moved to her big kid bed.  Is she less advanced because I waited awhile to make these transitions?  Not at all.

Melody turned 2 August 1.  I'm having a really hard time with letting go of her being the baby.  I'm sure she would love a big kid bed but in her crib she stays my baby a bit longer.  Plus in a bed I think she would never go to sleep, she'd be running all over the house and mommy doesn't need that headache.  I want to soak up these years because it goes by so fast.....stop growing up!

The Regurgitator was robbed!!!

I know I'm a couple weeks late on commenting on the finale of America's Got Talent but we watch everything on our PVR so we area usually a few days late on shows, but we get to skip the commercials :)

I never thought I would root for someone called The Professional Regurgitator and I didn't really want to see his tricks until my husband promised me it wasn't gross just crazy...and he was right!  Some of the magicians tricks if you watch it back enough you can see their loopholes, I have no idea how the mentalist guy did what he did but it's interesting he always used the judges and no one else.  I honestly don't think they should have singers or bands on there, they have their own shows, this should really be about weird and wacky talents that don't have an outlet anywhere else.

That's what made The Professional Regurgitator so amazing.  I honestly have no idea how he can swallow 5 tacs and a magnet, move his stomach around and make sure only 4 tacs make it to the magnet and then bring the magnet back up.  I fear for his health but the fact that you just can't figure out how he does it was a winning quality.

We felt robbed for watching an entire season and see the vantriloquist win, we've seen that before and a vantriloquist already won Britain's Got Talent, no offense to his talent.

Anyway enough people saw the Professional Regurgiator that I'm sure he's got a future somewhere!

Here's one of his crazy tricks!

First 2 weeks of school

We are in our second week of homeschooling and what an adventure already.  I am facing some challenges with my little ones.  First is a schedule.  We never really lived by a schedule other than naps in the afternoon.  My two do not like eating breakfast right away when they wake up.  So trying to get them up and eat so that we can start school is a challenge.  I am finding that muffins and a smoothie are the way to go because they can bring it with them (we do school in the basement, thankfully it's a walk out so still bright).  So we seem to start around 9:30 and end at noon.  That's about all they can handle right now.  As they get older and we have more to cover I know that getting started earlier will be key to still finishing by lunch.

We start with Oh Canada and the Lords Prayer.  We do calendar time and the weather and we are learning the days of the week song (tune of the Adam's Family). 

I found a homeschooling mom who created her own curriculum that I bought online and printed and it's working great.  It covers a new letter each week and all the activities coordinate with that letter, like B for butterfly.  I also include work from Comprehensive Curriculum of Basic Skills that I got at Costco for Pre-K.  My character building comes from Kids of Integrity by Focus on the Family.  We are focusing on respect right now and created a chart for our living room/dining room that is a good tool to take the kids to look at when they need a reminder.  And yes even mom and dad need a reminder which Mia is quick to point out. 

Yesterday I told them about Paul from Ghana who we sponsor through World Vision.  We have his picture up and wrote him a letter.  I think talking about him and how different his life is from ours is important for our girls to understand how blessed they are.  Now they can understand why I tell them not to leave the water running and being wasteful.

It is a lot of fun to see those light bulb moments when they really get something and their memories are amazing, if only mine was like that!

Just me and mommy

I think the second born kids get jilted a lot.  I don't have as many pictures for Melody as I do Mia.  I rushed through her baby book trying to remember stuff to say that I did one for her.  We don't soak in all the wonderful moments like we do with our first.

I had 21 months of mommy and Mia time before Melody was born.  I've never really had that time with Melody.  So when I do get it I eat it up and cherish it.  Recently Mia had a sleepover at my in-laws which gave me a full day with Melody.  We did a bit of grocery shopping but for Melody this was important because she got to push the little kiddy cart at Foodland that Mia usually pushes while Melody sits in the big cart.  She LOVED it until it was time to pay and put the cart away..then it was a meltdown moment but thankfully it was just her I had to get out of the store and not both of them.

She sat in the bathroom with me while I got ready and played with all my hair clips and make-up brushes, usually she's off with Mia while I do this so it was fun to have the company.  She helped me make pancakes and also cooked up some specialties in her play kitchen.  She hosted a tea party where I was the guest of honor and we snuggled and took a nap together.

They are all little things but so such sweet things to do together.  Mia is the boss around here....for now until Melody really starts to show her what she's made of.....so Melody doesn't always get free range on all the toys with no on bothering her or taking stuff away.  So I think she really enjoyed a little freedom in the toy department too.  But I know she missed her big sister seeing as she asked about her every 5 minutes :)

WHAT?!?!? Your'e going to homeschool??

In a couple weeks I will start a new chapter in my life, teacher.  But here's the thing, as parents we are always teachers, I'm just becoming one more officially as I start homeschooling my oldest daughter Mia.

I will start with my disclaimer, I'm not anti-school, anti-teachers, this is just a decision we have made for our family for our reasons.

Homeschooling is something we had always thought about but my decision was confirmed when I decided to not work full time anymore after Melody was born.  I still do my radio show but the rest of my time is with my girls.  I wanted to pour into their lives 100%.  Deut. 6:5-7 says "Love the LORD your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength.  These commandments that I give you today are to be upon your hearts.  Impress them on your children.  Talk about them when you sit at home and wen you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up."  How can I do this when they are gone 80% of the day.  Then they come home burnt out and your
opportunities with them are less and less.

It's so easy to get caught up in the business of life.  Kids have after school activities, hours of homework piling up on them.  Homeschooling is my opportunity to really spend time with them.  No laundry, cooking or dishes getting in the way.  It's just us one on one.  I don't want to look back on their lives and have any regrets that we didn't spend enough time together.  These few years have already gone so fast I feel like it's only going to go faster.  We can pick up and travel without worrying about taking them out of school, we can take school with us.  We can set our own schedule.  Do school through the summer if we want and take Friday's off through the year to do this.  We don't have to be up at 6am to get everyone ready to rush out and be on time for school.  We can do what we want and that's awesome!

One question I do get asked about in regards to homeschooling is "socializing".  I don't really know what people mean exactly when they ask this but I'm assuming it's about them having a social life and friendships.  We are committed to making sure our girls are involved in enough organized activities outside our home like swimming, dance, or whatever they want to get involved in but not too much  that family is no longer the priority.  I do think it's important that they spend time with friends.  They will have their friends at church as well as the wonderful homeschooling community that we are involved with.  That's the great thing about how far homeschooling has come.  We have a group that we will meet with each week where the girls can make friends.  So there will be lots of "socializing".  Some other homeschool moms told me they had to pull back on all their activities because there is so much to get involved with.

What are we hoping for our kids from this? We want them to learn to trust in the Word of God, to have it hidden in their heart. We want to train them in the way they should go, so it may go well with them. We want them to be healthy, confident, and to know they are beautifully and wonderfully made. We want them to keep their childlike faith, and we want them to be a light in this world.  We want them to be confident, to have good manners, to be compassionate, to be respectful, and to be humble in spirit.

It's an exciting journey can't wait to start!

Melody has grown....but have I?

Last year at this time I wrote about Melody's first birthday party and the fact that I went over the top on my spending regarding the decor and theme.....and no one noticed!  Pinterest will literally make you crazy when you see all these pictures of kids birthday parties and all the work that moms put into it, but do the kids notice all the little things...NO...we do it for the adults, mainly the other moms so they will think we are awesome.

Over the weekend we celebrated Melody's second birthday.  As a mom you can't help but spend the time reflecting on the day they were born and how much your life has changed because of them and how fast they are growing up.  So Melody has obviously grown, but have I grown since last year and my party obsession.

I would say yes and no....it's all about baby steps.  First of all the guest list was much smaller, just a couple friends and family so I would say that's growth.  I picked the Disney Cars theme.  She LOVES that movie and we have a special tie to it after staying at the CARS hotel in Disney this year.

I'm not crafty so last year I overspent because I ordered all my owl decorations from other crafty moms on Etsy.  Thankfully CARS theme party supplies are available at several different dollar stores so I saved money there Now with that said it did look like the CARS movie threw up in my house with all the decorations but they were cheap...so again a little progress.

Because of the smaller guest list I didn't have to obsess over the food and trying to come up with cute ideas.  It was much simpler and less of a headache.  I wanted to attempt to make the cake for Melody. Again i'm not crafty so this could be a disaster but I wanted to at least try.  I had to get over what everyone was going to think....I made it with love, the kids thought it was cute and really just wanted to eat it so who cares what it looks like.

I wanted to make Melody a cute birthday shirt with the CARS logo.  Thankfully a friend with photo shop was able to make the logo for me.  I rarely use my color printer so the iron on transfer didn't print as bright as I wanted and then it faded more once I ironed it on the shirt.  This is where I need more growth.  I obsessed over this silly shirt.  Did I have time to go get another ink cartridge?  I had another shirt they came in a pack of 2.  But I don't ever print in color so this shirt was going to end up costing me a lot more money than I had planned.  I took me awhile to bring myself back to planet earth and remind myself that she is only 2.  It has Lightening Mcqueen on it that's all she cares about, so I didn't go get the extra ink and she loved her shirt.....baby steps.  By the way she only wore for about an hour until she opened a birthday gift with new clothes from her Nana and she had to put on the new stuff.

All in all it was a really fun day.  We celebrated our sweet girl who brings so much light and noise to our lives :)  Mia loves a party so she had a blast even if it wasn't her birthday.  Phil, as a dad to 2 girls, will probably be around a lot of pink girly birthday parties in the future.  So I think he enjoyed having the cars theme too :)

2 years ago I learned that just when you think you have this parenting thing under control you have your second child, who is the total opposite of your first, and you throw out everything you thought you knew and start over again. Melody is incredibly strong willed with a side of stubborn. She has a set of lungs that will make your ears ring and quite mischievous. She is loving with her hugs and snuggles, funny, smart and super cute. 90% of the time she adores her big sister the other 10% she is exercising her lungs with her. Watching their relationship grow has been pure joy. They are the first people they both ask about each morning. She has brought so much light and joy into our lives I couldn't imagine a day without her.