Birth Trauma

I recently read an article about women and birth trauma.  This is from the experience of the mother who had a traumatic birth experience with their child that has had a significant impact on them.  They are told that if they are healthy and their child is healthy they should just be happy and move on.

Now let me clarify that this is in NO way a rant on doctors or nurses.  But let's be realistic, yes they work hard but not ALL of them have the best bedside manner.  I think even doctors and nurses can agree with that.

Most women have a birth plan, but you have to be prepared for the fact that nothing will go the way you planned it to go.  I had planned to go as long as I could without drugs.  I was going to walk, use the tub whatever I could before I just couldn't take it anymore and hopefully I could get to the actual delivery without them.  Then I tested positive for Strep B which meant whenever I went into labor I was going to be hooked up to an IV and monitor right away so no walking or tub for me.  That actually turned out to be the best thing for me.  Just 30 minutes after I was hooked up to the monitor Mia's heart rate plummeted.  My husband noticed on the monitor and left the room, next thing I knew my rooms was full of nurses and my OB.  I was on my side, they were giving me oxygen and and trying to find Mia's heart rate.  They got it back and my OB said she's not handling contractions well, let's do a C-section and get her out.  I was a bit frazzled from everything going on but I wanted everyone safe and healthy.  Before I knew it I was in the OR getting ready for a C-section and Mia arrived.  She has some initial lung issues from swallowing fluids before she was born.  But I am so thankful I had to be initially hooked up to that monitor or we may have never known what was going on.

Her birth was traumatic, when I was pregnant with Melody I was faced with either scheduling a c-section or trying for a natural birth again.  It was a decision that plagued me right up until a month before my due date and I chose a c-section.  I was just too scared to go down that road again of a natural birth when so many things could go wrong.

What happened next still upsets me to this day.  Mia was born they brought her over to see me and she left with my husband and nurse to get cleaned up more and I got stitched up and off to recovery for an hour.  Everyone held my first born before my.  There was no skin to skin time, I barely had a chance to look at her.  We had just been through this scary experience and she was gone and I was by myself.  I guess in my mind I thought she could at least be in recovery with me so I could hold her.

Finally I was wheeled back to my room where my husband and our families were waiting for me, all of them passing Mia around.  Finally I got to hold her and the nurse said I had to feed her right away.  Not really knowing that I should be standing up for myself more I just went along with it.  So again I didn't get to just hold and snuggle her and look at her I had to try and feed her with everyone watching and this stranger of a nurse touching me all over and not really thinking that perhaps I didn't want to be topless in front of my entire family.

It seemed like hours before everything settled down and I could just hold her.  But even 4 years later I'm still hurt by the experience.  Those first moments with your baby are what you dream about.

Thankfully my birth experience with Melody was much smoother.  Even though I went in to labor before my scheduled c-section I still had a c-section once I got there.  It was just me and Phil, I learned my lesson about a room full of family waiting.  I was in recovery alone but at least I was prepared for that.  When I got to my room Phil was waiting with Melody and I got to hold her and just stare at her.  My sweet nurse gave me some time with her and came back later to help me feed her.  I think with your second they give you a bit more space assuming you know what your doing.

 It takes a mutual respect and trust between mom and nursing/doctors.  I didn't feel comfortable just  handing either of my babies over to go and have tests done with neither Phil or I going with them.  When we said we were coming too or when I asked them to wait until my husband got back so he could go with her I was looked at as crazy and an inconvenience.  That's not fare at all.  This is my child, it should be supported that I don't want my hours hold baby going to another floor of the hospital for x-rays without one of us.

I could totally relate to all the stories women wrote about birth trauma, it's not always in the way your delivery goes but even just the after care you receive and how you are treated post birth.  I hope more women talk about this and help other women who are pregnant understand how they should be treated and to have a voice during and after their birth.  This is supposed to be such a beautiful experience but gets ruined for so many.

2 the magic number

2 seems to be the magic number when it comes to your kids.  All of a sudden when your little one turns 2 they are supposed to grow up overnight and they aren't your baby anymore.  When someone asks how old your kid is and you say 2 then the questions start, "oh are you potty training? are they in their big kid bed yet?"  Why do we have to rush everything and make them grow up so fast.  I can see with your first child giving in to all the advice and books advising you what to do at certain ages.

I'm glad with both my girls i'm not rushing things.  I started potty training Mia when she was 2 1/2 because she was finally giving me the signal that she was totally ready and it was a faster and more successful process by letting her lead the way.  Once she was potty trained we let the soother go and she moved to her big kid bed.  Is she less advanced because I waited awhile to make these transitions?  Not at all.

Melody turned 2 August 1.  I'm having a really hard time with letting go of her being the baby.  I'm sure she would love a big kid bed but in her crib she stays my baby a bit longer.  Plus in a bed I think she would never go to sleep, she'd be running all over the house and mommy doesn't need that headache.  I want to soak up these years because it goes by so fast.....stop growing up!