Thursday, June 9, 2016

Not a diet a new way of living

6 weeks ago my husband and I started a new health journey.  I have struggled with weight my entire life, I have been on one diet or another for 20 years.  When people say they have done every diet, I mean it literally I think I have done them all.  I've always lost weight and then put it back on for one reason or another.  The reality is that through all those diets I never dealt with the emotional side of eating.  You can learn to eat healthy and what a healthy portion looks like, or count points etc.  but if you don't deal with your emotional side of eating that will creep back in.

Before I got married I lost about 40 pounds with a nutritionist and regular visits to the gym.  I had more weight to lose but by my wedding day I was at a comfortable weight, I was happy in my wedding dress, I felt strong.  On our honeymoon I climbed to the top of the viewing roof of the Vatican and the leaning tower of Pisa - couldn't imagine doing that now without collapsing.

I kept the weight off but didn't lose anymore our first year of being married.  Then I got pregnant with Mia.  I tried to watch when I ate when I was pregnant but I did love myself some ice cream.  I gained about 35 pounds with that pregnancy.  After Mia was born i had a hard time with breast feeding and postpartum so the emotional eating kicked in and I didn't lose any of the weight I had gained.

My husband and I separated for 6 months when Mia was 9 months old.  More emotional eating and ended up gaining more weight.  So the 40 pounds I worked so hard to lose before I got married was back on and then some.  Thankfully we reconciled and we eat when we not only sad but happy too.  Then I got pregnant with Melody.  I knew I could not afford to gain a lot of weight during this pregnancy so I was very careful and thankfully only gained 10 pounds by the end of the pregnancy, i'm sure the first 3 months of constant morning sickness helped the weight stay off.

So here I was with both baby weights clinging to me and I was just uncomfortable, had no energy, wasn't happy with the way I looked or anything I wore, just miserable.  We watched the show Fit to Fat to Fit.  A personal trainer actually spends 4 months gaining weight and then takes it off with their client so they can really understand what it's like to try and lose weight and work out when you are overweight.  You saw the emotional and physical toll that eating all that crappy food and gaining weight did to them and it's exactly how I was feeling.

So my husband and I started the journey together.  I cut out things that I LOVED but I knew were weighing me down and my weaknesses.  No more pop, bread, pasta, rice and little to no dairy.  It hasn't been easy, I smell pizza in the grocery store and shed a tear but keep my eyes on the veggies and the prize, a healthier life and my self-confidence back.  We are also doing it for our kids, we want a long healthy life with them and we don't want this to be a struggle they deal with in their lives either so we get them eating healthy with us.

So as we come to an end on week 6 of this journey I have lost 23 pounds and my husband just passed 40 pounds.  The jeans that i could barely do up and were very uncomfortable are not lose.  My husband is adding more and more holes to his belt.  Our energy is up and our overall happiness is up. For me the main thing is changing my relationship with food and how I look at it.  I still enjoy what I eat but I can't let it be a crutch to turn to when i'm upset or celebrating with a treat.  That part of the journey is a work in progress but I'm getting better...on we go.