Friday, May 29, 2015

Baby #3?

No this is not a baby announcement.  Just an honest conversation I have been having with myself for months now.  My husband would love another baby so I am the one holding up production on this project so to speak.

First of all, let's be real, I'm 39 this summer so time is ticking away if I'm going to do this.  One of my biggest concerns/fears is my age and the risk for a problem pregnancy/health issues for the baby are greater the older I get.  The other reality is being of a certain age with little kids, being 50 with a 10 year old, being 60 and wanting to enjoy retirement while my kids are in University and sucking all our retirement money from us.  But these are things I cannot change.  I got married later in life so naturally kids came later than maybe I had always wanted.

Second, there are many days where 2 little kids is all I can handle before going nuts.  Another one and we are officially outnumbered.  2 is manageable.  When we go out it's man on man defense with each kid.  Today I went to the store to simply get milk.  Mia wanted to push the little kid carts that they provide and started running in circles almost taking out a couple shoppers.  I pulled her aside to talk about it and she launched into full meltdown (forget terrible 2's which weren't so terrible for me, it's the terrible 3's!!!).  Then Melody is trying to stand up in the cart (no belts provided for kids in this cart which is crazy) so I'm trying to keep Melody sitting and trying to get Mia to pull it together so we can just get the stinkin Milk and go.  Then I imagine a baby throw into that mix and I think it would be insane!

Right now I have a garage full of baby stuff, swing, bouncer, exersaucer, change table, extra strollers and playpens, boxes of baby clothes to the ceiling.  I've been hanging on to it all "just in case" because odds are I would give it all away and then get pregnant by accident.  I just need to rip the band-aid, pull the trigger and make a decision.  But I'm horribly indecisive.  My feelings change everyday about the subject.  When I start to put more baby stuff away and think about getting rid of all the big stuff I get sad that there could be no more babies.  I was showing Mia our home movies from the past few years including when she was born and when Melody was born and my heart swells because I just adored that time.

I would love for the girls to have another sibling.  They would LOVE a baby in the house and Mia is getting older so she would actually be quite a helper this time around.  When Melody was born Mia was so young herself it just felt like having 2 babies.  Someday Phil and I won't be around anymore and they will just have each other and the more family to have and lean on the better.

Maybe I should just go on faith and let God decide, if I get pregnant great if not that's ok too......to be continued.............

Wednesday, May 20, 2015

Small Town Girl

Well I was born in a small town
And I can breathe in a small town
Gonna die in this small town
And that's probably where they'll bury me

John Mellencamp said it perfectly.  I never thought I would truly be small town girl but the past few years have proven that I will always be a small town girl at heart.  I spent most of my childhood years in Norwich ON - very small town.  One stop light, well it actually may have just been a 4 way stop back then, hard to remember.  One corner store, one grocery store, everyone knew everyone.  My dad grew up there too, my grandma and all my uncles lived there and a couple of them still do and a lot of my cousins.  My parents commuted everyday to Brantford for work and when it was time for me to start school I went to school in Brantford as well.  Brantford, when I was growing up, was pretty much a small town too but it's gotten bigger over the years, and eventually we moved to Brantford.  When I moved to Barrie it felt big to me right away.  When it takes a half an hour to an hour to get from one end of the city to the other that's a big city to me.  The traffic stresses me out, thankfully I learned back ways over the years to try and get around it.  6 years ago I moved to Wasaga Beach when I got married, back to small town living and I love it.  Thankfully the LIFE studio is right off the highway so it's an easy in and out for me but when I have to go anywhere else in Barrie it's crazy.  The construction, the traffic it's nuts!  When you get used to small town living it can be a shock to your system.  I love the slower, quieter pace.  Collingwood is close by and beautiful to visit.  I love taking a drive up 26 along the water to Thornbury and Meaford.  I love visiting NYC and Toronto once in awhile but I could never see myself living there.  I'm excited to raise my girls in a small town, who knows what there future will be!

Sunday, May 10, 2015

What we REALLY want for Mother's Day

What is the purpose of Mother's Day.  A day to celebrate our mom, a day to give her a break or a "day off"?  I think it all depends on what stage of life you are at either as a mom or with your mom.  If you are grown up and don't live at home anymore it's a time to take your mom out, spend some quality time with her.  If you are a mom to little kids let's be frank, we get quality time 24/7.  So as a mom what do we REALLY want for mother's day?

We want to get a full nights sleep and maybe even sleep in.
We want to go to the bathroom by ourselves.
We want to take a shower or bath in peace without someone banging on the door or charging in.
We want to eat a meal while it's still warm and we don't want to share.
We want to go a whole day where we don't have to answer any questions.
We want to spend a day in a nice outfit that isn't covered in snot, throw up or anything sticky.
We want to be taken care of.

It's ok to want all these things.  As moms we give ourselves 100% to everyone else all the time.  It's ok to want a little me time or some "time off" to just recharge.  If you're like me you probably have guilt about it which I don't think we will ever get rid of but sometimes alone time is just necessary.  For me it makes me a better mom and wife to just breathe for a minute.  It doesn't mean I don't love my family it just means I'm being honest with them and myself.

I love my girls more than anything else, and I am so thankful I have a husband who will step in and give me the break when I need it.  And on top of the break for the day I get a gift too :)