No this is not a baby announcement. Just an honest conversation I have been having with myself for months now. My husband would love another baby so I am the one holding up production on this project so to speak.
First of all, let's be real, I'm 39 this summer so time is ticking away if I'm going to do this. One of my biggest concerns/fears is my age and the risk for a problem pregnancy/health issues for the baby are greater the older I get. The other reality is being of a certain age with little kids, being 50 with a 10 year old, being 60 and wanting to enjoy retirement while my kids are in University and sucking all our retirement money from us. But these are things I cannot change. I got married later in life so naturally kids came later than maybe I had always wanted.
Second, there are many days where 2 little kids is all I can handle before going nuts. Another one and we are officially outnumbered. 2 is manageable. When we go out it's man on man defense with each kid. Today I went to the store to simply get milk. Mia wanted to push the little kid carts that they provide and started running in circles almost taking out a couple shoppers. I pulled her aside to talk about it and she launched into full meltdown (forget terrible 2's which weren't so terrible for me, it's the terrible 3's!!!). Then Melody is trying to stand up in the cart (no belts provided for kids in this cart which is crazy) so I'm trying to keep Melody sitting and trying to get Mia to pull it together so we can just get the stinkin Milk and go. Then I imagine a baby throw into that mix and I think it would be insane!
Right now I have a garage full of baby stuff, swing, bouncer, exersaucer, change table, extra strollers and playpens, boxes of baby clothes to the ceiling. I've been hanging on to it all "just in case" because odds are I would give it all away and then get pregnant by accident. I just need to rip the band-aid, pull the trigger and make a decision. But I'm horribly indecisive. My feelings change everyday about the subject. When I start to put more baby stuff away and think about getting rid of all the big stuff I get sad that there could be no more babies. I was showing Mia our home movies from the past few years including when she was born and when Melody was born and my heart swells because I just adored that time.
I would love for the girls to have another sibling. They would LOVE a baby in the house and Mia is getting older so she would actually be quite a helper this time around. When Melody was born Mia was so young herself it just felt like having 2 babies. Someday Phil and I won't be around anymore and they will just have each other and the more family to have and lean on the better.
Maybe I should just go on faith and let God decide, if I get pregnant great if not that's ok too......to be continued.............
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